Hurric-lame Borene hits Facebook

Millions of New Yorker's prepared well in advance to survive one of the biggest disappointments of forced rest in NYC history. Regardless, we survived our boredom by banding together on Facebook before the power never went out. Below is a compilation of survival tips that blew through Facebook newsfeeds, and certainly helped us prepare better for the next time an out of town hurricane rains on our weekend. Yeah...rain.

HOTTEST EVACUATION SPOTS 2011

GO TO CHICAGO

Huge party night of the storm, the entire East Coast will be there!

GO TO CLEVELAND

It’s really cheap, and... it’s really cheap. Check out this hastily made Cleveland tourism video as well as this one too. Entice your wander lust!

And.... yeah, that's about it.

NATIVE NYer HURRICANE SURVIVAL TIPS

• Do not rely on an umbrella, they will break. Definitely use ponchos
• Pack your Mayor Bloomberg emergency “Go Bag” with Smart water, Yoga mat, Starbucks Via packets and powdered creamers, Waterproof band aids, Waterproof makeup, MAC face wipes, Listerine strips (Watch your GI index with Altoids. Don’t let a storm make you fat), PAPERBACK books (no Kindles/iPads), Hunter galoshes (Tory Burch's will fall apart), Organic banana & whole foods granola bar
• Charge your iPhones NOW, y'all!!!!
• Warning! Store lines waits are really, really long! Learn how to cook on Youtube NOW because all the prepared meals and breads are sold out. (That is actually not a joke. They totally sold out of all prepped dishes.) Chinese food and Pizza shops will be delivering if the long wait on lines deterred you from getting enough of supplies.
• Collect a stack of Chinese food menus in and out of your area prior to the storm. Deliveries may be really backed up during the storm.
• All grocery stores will close up. Korean Nail Salons will all remain open and totally packed. Select a salon equipped with therapeutic massage chairs and/or masseuse for an extra $15. Splurge as this will help eliminate your panic and stress. If I'm gonna go down, I'm going down with a mani/pedi.
• Beware of eating all your survival foods before the storm hits out of sheer restless boredom. Do not let a storm make you fat.

HOT HURRICANE HIGHLIGHTS

WORKAHOLIC AWARD GOES TO...BONNIE!

Frantic New Yorkers found panic relief at Bonnie's Nail Salon. Bonnie, a Korean-American manicurist, admitted while filing everyone's toes to perfection that she was working through her terror of dying in her drive home to Brooklyn. She worked through her mother's desperate call from Seoul begging her to close shop. Do you think that stopped her from working? NOT THIS NEW YORKER! Surges were scheduled to start at 5PM, but Bonnie chanelled all her panic stress into WORK, WORK, WORK until 8PM that night. This was workaholism at its finest, folks, shaming a wall street tycoon. In her worry she gave the best mani/pedis we'd ever received. We're talking heated lotion, and extending the customary hand massage to include the entire arm right up to the shoulder.

THESE GUYS DELIVERED IN THE STORM!

So when a hurricane hits NYC, these guy delivered! Based on his emotional state divided by the two blocks he traveled added to his wetness, we tipped him $7.

BREAKDOWN OF THE TERROR

9:00pm Irene arrives

9:22pm It appears even the news broadcasters are bored...

10:09pm Lightning flashed

10:22pm With 14 mph winds, Facebook is at greater risk of crumbling than the City.

11:26pm Hitler video goes viral

11:27-3:00pm New York sleeps through the storm and I am pissed that I spend 60 bucks on beans and granola bars to miss UFC Rio.

HURRICANE IRENE DEVASTATION PERCENTAGES

Millions of New Yorkers completely destroyed their clocks with the onslaught of a mysterious hibernating sleep ranging from 10-15 hours. Judging by all the hundreds of photos of hard alcoholic purchases, it appears 85% of New Yorkers were also experiencing a city wide hang over.

POST-HURRICANE RECOVERY 

1) Jog already!
2) Put the booze down and drink a glass of WATER
3) For the love of anything holy stop eating carbs
4) You might need Nyquil/Tylenol PM to sleep since you woke up 12-3 in the afternoon
5) Give one of the cans of food you refused to open for carbs to charity
6) Try to remember what you love about your jobs because IT'LL BE BACK ON TOMORROW!!!